That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
