And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it's like iHOP with fire
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
