There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
