he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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