you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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