U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
