oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize