I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
