HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
