ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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