he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
