the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
