margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
