what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
