That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
