so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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