This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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