Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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