Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
