maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
