just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
