All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
