toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
