The maid of honor just puked.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
