There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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