What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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