You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
