I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
