Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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