Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
