My hand turned me down
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
