just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
