chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
