You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
