apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
