guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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