Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
