I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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