I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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