so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
