I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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