apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
