Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your penis caused this!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
