I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
