How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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