Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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