I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
