Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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