I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Vodka?
Forever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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