I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
