Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
