We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
