I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Im part way to drunk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
