AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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