i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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