I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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