we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
