I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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