I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
