My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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