that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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