So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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