I just cut my nipple shaving
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
