dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
