Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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