STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize