Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
